Nicolle Hodges:

How to lead an orgasmic life

Sex begins long before penetration because sex is a state of being. When women ask me how to have waves of explosive, body-shaking, transformative, clarifying, and transcendent orgasms, I first want to know if they’ve tried cannabis lube and what their relationship is like with their pussy. When that line of communication is open, everything changes.

Creating lasting changes in your relationship or deepening your acceptance of your own sexuality is a nuanced exploration that begins with expanding the scope of what constitutes sex. Being orgasmic is a practice of harmonizing the body and the mind, and being completely saturated in the moment.

Some days, sex is the way your lover walks into a room; sometimes, it’s a stimulating conversation with a stranger in line at the coffee shop; the way your server puts your drink down at the table and maintains eye contact; a sound you misheard for a moan during your morning commute; the wind brushing your skirt against your legs; a dad pushing a stroller; a scene in a movie! It is noticing life rippling through all things.

To be an orgasmic woman and to harness your orgasmic potential doesn’t mean complying with our current cultural conditioning of sex but expanding our definition of it. To view sex as holistic, with no distinct line between where pleasure begins or ends, is one step towards unleashing your power.

Living an orgasmic life is something created by being, not doing. It is not an act so much as it is an essence. A woman’s sexuality has been trivialized into a very basic, inherently masculine expression of what is sexually appealing. Whenever the word “slut” is uttered, there might be an image somewhere in your mind of red lipstick, a short skirt, a raspy voice, a sultry gaze, and a “come hither” vibe. This reduces the idea of what sexuality looks like into an archetype void of nuance. If that “look” is aligned with how you outwardly express your sexual nature—which is one of the many ways to do so—you are villainized or reduced; but if you are not this way, your sexuality is considered unexpressed; prudish, juvenile even.

Sex is being sex. You are sex. To be an orgasmic woman is not to limit oneself to the idea of what being sexy is or what is appropriately sexual. It is to see that your very existence is a turn-on. When you think of sex “appeal,” ask... appealing to whom? An orgasmic woman moves the energy in the room because she knows who she is and the world cannot help but comply. The energy within her moves like deep ocean currents, and like the magnetism of the moon, she instigates polarity. To be anything but yourself around her would be unnatural. Her life force radiates and lures with both calm and chaos, pleasure and pain. Pain, anxiety, and stress—all of which interfere with arousal—are part of the human experience, and are specially woven in the experience of being a woman. As more women turn to cannabis for relief from endometriosis or menstrual pain, as well as increased pleasure (cannabis lube is shown to dilate the blood vessels throughout the reproductive tract, making the genitals—including the clitoris—more sensitive), there is a wonderfully potent potential to open the line of communication between herself and the world. By blurring the hard lines created by shame, unreleased trauma manifested as pain, or expectation, and harmonizing one’s body and mind in the moment, life itself becomes pleasurable.

This is why remaining numb, coasting in the medium, confusing ourselves with trivial things or denying our true desires is so tempting because being half alive is to also only be half dead.

When stagnant energy and emotions get caught in our bodies, it is difficult not to disconnect from our power. A woman’s sexuality is intrinsic with her creativity and intuition. To get this energy moving, we seek to connect with nature; we want to move, dance, cry. We want to slow down and honour our cycle—that intimate relationship we have with death each month when we bleed but do not die.

Sex is acceptance of self; self is identity; identity is power. To be sex is enchanting and terrifying.

When picking up a piece of fruit at the grocery store is enough to make the embers glow between your legs, it’s intimidating. It feels like unleashing something that, as women, we’ve been conditioned to keep caged. How will you ever get anything done, if you let the latch unlock? Who will notice? What might they think? What might need to change in your life?

My orgasmic potential is a constant hum that rises through my spine when instigated; sometimes, it’s when my lover and I kiss. He flicks his tongue in my mouth and I can feel it against my clit; but only when I am connected to myself in a way that fully embraces and acknowledges who I am: mother and whore, alive and dying, chaos and calm. To be orgasmic is to dance in this contradiction. Eroticism is a realm in which women thrive.

As we continue to see all things as connected, erotic intelligence will begin to experience a surge of interest. Climax is a Western invention, says Camille Paglia in her book Sexual Personae; it signifies the end. But erotic intelligence, the holistic nature of sex, does not meet an end. Action and release, expressed as the male orgasm, is a temporary escape. For a moment, there is an exclamation point at the end of the sentence, there is resolution, a conclusion, a will-to-power substantiated by the ability to rest after a punctuated moment. Women, a multi-orgasmic creature sees no end like this. Her energy is constantly moving. When we deny this power within us, we lose our connection to ourselves. To embrace the full scope of your emotional capacity is to accept yourself as a complete being.

To live an orgasmic lifestyle is to exist in the realm of your desires. Play in the grass. Stick your nose in a flower. Bite into an apple. Stuff a pillow in its case. Speak up. Scream. Hold eye contact. Laugh. Breathe. Be quietly confident. Imagine coiled snakes at the base of your spine. Unlock the cage. Seduce yourself in the mirror. Get high and have a conversation with your pussy. Ask for what you want. Dance with life and death through orgasmic release. You are sex, and there is no beginning or end to your potential. You do not have to become but only be.